| Welcome |
Every word you're about to read is true. Non-fiction authors often change the names of the people profiled in their work for their privacy and/or protection, in this case I have altered only my own, but for the same reason.
|
| Rich Man, Poor Girl |
Lights up on a wheelchair-bound, middle-aged man pouring himself a glass of Scotch. His collar sags. His tie is unfurled. A small table sits to his left, a large, oaken office desk looms behind him. He takes a hard swallow.
|
| Rachel I Was Wrong |
Dear Rachel: I know how you "hate to read shit," so I'll get right to the point, my days with you were the best ninety-three of my life. Your departure has left me with nothing but a FICA score of forty-five and a bittersweet rash between my legs. You were right when you said, "A man who's never been stabbed by his lady has never been loved." Rachel, I was wrong and I want you back.
|
| An Open Letter to the Management, Owners and Proprietors of Video Stores Offering Adult Films |
…Most pornographic movie titles herald the particular fetish and/or sexual orientation(s) they cater to. Additionally, many tapes are bright red or yellow in color. Consequently, it is impossible for consumers to rent or purchase erotica discretely since it will be handled by at least one store employee. The exposure of something so private during a face-to-face exchange with a complete stranger makes most customers very uncomfortable. If the cashier is of the opposite sex that discomfort can increase dramatically. To elucidate I offer the following anecdote from my personal life…
|
| The
Stand Up |
An
amateur stand-up comic's audition turns into a test of character. |
